An interesting question we always need to ask is: "Who's problem is it?" In school a child acts out, causing all kinds of chaos. The teacher just doesn't know what to do. Kick the child out? Send him to the principal? Call the child's parents? (There are probably more possible solutions than that.) The problem is that the child is not having the problem, the teacher is. The student is getting the attention he wants, so how does he have the problem? The teacher, on the other hand, is all stressed out.

This happens many times to people who go to therapy. They come in and talk about someone else and the bad choices they have made. They will go on and on about this other person's problem and never get around to how it effects them. When the counselor finally asks how the client deals with the stress, they become defensive. They are so busy complaining about the other person they completely ignore "Who's problem it is."