An interesting question we always need to ask is: "Who's problem is it?" In school a child acts out, causing all kinds of chaos. The teacher just doesn't know what to do. Kick the child out? Send him to the principal? Call the child's parents? (There are probably more possible solutions than that.) The problem is that the child is not having the problem, the teacher is. The student is getting the attention he wants, so how does he have the problem? The teacher, on the other hand, is all stressed out.

This happens many times to people who go to therapy. They come in and talk about someone else and the bad choices they have made. They will go on and on about this other person's problem and never get around to how it effects them. When the counselor finally asks how the client deals with the stress, they become defensive. They are so busy complaining about the other person they completely ignore "Who's problem it is."

Here it is December 24 and I realize I have not entered a thought for some time. With company (family) and all the joyful office staff, it seems difficult to have insight. Clients continue to have their problems and make appointments, but many of the appointments are cancelled. This time of the year many things are put on hold because of time limitations. Actually when people are busy their problems seem to disappear or are put on hold.

Maybe the true insight is that when people have concern for others, their own problems disappear. I think relationships and being involved with others fulfills many of our needs. When the joy of the holiday season takes over we find the happiness we are looking for.

Yesterday, I wrote a "blow-off" blog about changed behavior creating change in people around us. To my surprise, while looking at my Time Magazine this morning I found an article about happy people and their influence on the people around them. A study indicates that happy people will have happy people around them. It then talks about their friends; their friends', friends; and their friends', friends', friends. The indication that the happiness is as infectious as any communicable illness.

One of the major problems in the science of psychology is the cause-effect relationship. The question is: "Does a happy person make the people around them happy" or "are happy people just attracted to other happy people?" My personal belief is that people like to be around people that make them happy.

I talked to the EMDR facilitator who supervised my experience leading to certification. It was insightful and helpful. I enjoy working with enthusiastic people. I have realized that telling people about EMDR is almost exciting. As I said in an earlier blog it is neat to have a treatment that works, even though I don't know how it works.

Counseling is all about change. The best change is in a persons behavior, which is then reinforced by other people. It is interesting that when a person starts acting in a new or different manner people notice and react appropriately. Even strangers react differently. Smiling can be infectious. As you walk down a street smile and nod at people and see what happens.

Everybody seems to be talking about the state of the economy. So far the government has given away 350 billion dollars. That seems like a lot of money. The worst part is that I, as an avid newspaper reader, have no idea where it went.

Educators have us convinced that the way to wealth and prosperity is through education (talk about self serving). If we were better educated our economic problems would vanish.

My challenge to everyone is that the next time you go to a nice restaurant, not fast food. Ask the waiter or waitress about their education. I think people would be amazed at the results. There are many college graduates waiting tables because there are more graduatres than jobs. As I recently heard a man say, "I didn't go to college to do manual labor." Maybe we need to develop a need for college graduates rather than producing more.

Picking a partner

Recently, I became aware of a real concern with professional women. They tend to concentrate al their energy on their profession, but eventually they realize that something is missing in their life. At that point they start looking for romantic and intimate relationships. Too often, for various reasons, these relationships become a bust. My first exposure to this problem was with a pharmacist. She had worked very hard at getting through a very difficult college pharmacy program and then went on to be very successful in a retail business. As a starting pharmacist she worked long hours which included evenings and nights. Once she was established she became interested in a more romantic relationship.

Where does one go to meet people? Unfortunately young female adults find themselves in the local bars, where they are able to meet some of the least stable men they can find. The pharmacist met her significant other in her apartment complex. Against her families' best advice she married him, only to find out her family was right.

Mood is based on involvement

The word "egocentric" is very meaningful to counseling. Most behaviors are self serving. Even counselors have a strong need to be needed. I am seeing that people look out for themselves first and then consider others. There is a theory that if you can get someone to take an interest in community it takes the emphasis off of the self. Once they become interested in other things their mood improves. That's enough rambling for today.

Politics and economics

I don't like to make political statements but the anxieties being created in the current economic climate leaves me no choice. Most accountants will tell you that the purpose of any business is to make money. So the product is of no consequence. The "Big Three" American auto manufactures objective is to make money. The last great Automobile Man to run a company was Lee Iacocca. He built cars that people wanted to buy which incidentally made money for the company. The current plan of these companies is to close plants, layoff workers, and close dealerships, which might make sense for making more profit, but it doesn't make a car people want to buy. More importantly with everyone being laid off who can afford to buy a car.

Obviously, over the last three or four decades very few people can afford to buy a car so people turned to leasing. Now the financial markets are so messed up it's almost impossible to buy or lease a car. What a sinister web we weave.

Private Practice

This is it. The presentation is tonight. This has given me a reason to rewrite my Mental Status exam. Actually just add to it. Most of the clients I see in private practice have an adjustment condition. For the most part they are able to function pretty well. Depression is the most common problem. The most severely depressed clients have difficulty getting up in the morning and taking care of their hygiene. The other common condition I see is anxiety or high stress.

Today people who watch the news find themselves feeling extreme amounts of anxiety. this is an impending feeling of doom and hopelessness. I actually had a client who felt responcible for the Korean War. The problem was that he wasn't born until after the war was over.

Bad Mental Health

Well, I continue working on what is important to know about mental health. The problem is that people who have never experienced mental health issues first hand or by observation have difficulty grasping how dysfunctional a person can become.

One important element is how the mental condition effects the person, such as the person's consentration or their distorted view of the world. A second element is the length of time the disturbance lasts. Depression that lasts a couple hours or a couple days, while painful, is the one where you just pick yourself up by the boot straps and get on with living. The last element is the one that measures how well a person can functioin. This could be as little as a feeling of anxiety before a test or stage fright before a performance, or as much as severely hurting one's self or the inability to maintain personal hygiene.

Best Practices

During the weekend, out of curiosity, I decided to see how many times articles on EMDR were seen in the Toledo Blade Newspaper. It was just once and the emphasis was on a scientific explanation on how it worked. As an EMDR therapist I thought the fact that it did work was somewhat over shadowed by humor and scientific explanation. This brings to mind the thought that if people needed to understand the interaction of protons, neutrons, and electrons before they turned on a light bulb, most of us would still be sitting in the dark.

For some reason the research community dictates 'best practices." "Best practices" is a concept that certain theraputic approaches should be used for certain diagnoses in mental health. It is like generic medication should be used rather than name brands. For example in mental health practice, "Cognitive Behavioral" is the treatment of choice for depression. In my experience, when a technique is appropriate you use it. The objective of therapy is to help the client.

Counselor frustration

So often counselors (I) forget that not everyone is aware of treatment possibilities. I would guess that few people receiving counseling would know what theoretical approach the counselor is using. Most patients pick their counselor based on comfort level and a feeling that the counselor has some expertiese.

From the counselor side, there are times that I have felt very positive about a client after the first meeting. So positive that the treatment approach is developed with all the appropriate goals and sub goals between the first and second appointment. Only to have the client cancel the second appointment and are never heared from again.

Still defining Mental Health

I continue to try to define "Mental Health." I remember working in small community where I also lived. The church minister asked if I knew "Smoking Joe." He thought that "Smoking Joe" was a client of the agency I worked for. Of course confidentiality prohibited me from talking about the person, even though the person he described didn't sound like any client I had at the time. The description included the fact that he was always smoking cigarettes, always had a five day growth of facial hair, slept on a park bench, and appeared to talk to himself. When he talked to people he seemed to make guttural sounds that made little if any sense. It appears that this person has mental health issues.

Another client of mine at the time was outgoing, spoke fluently, owned rental property, and hung out at the local bar. His only negative characteristic was being large and intimidating. This person though was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

Strange behaviors may be a part of mental health, but social functioning is still a major issue.

Getting out foxed

There is an old image of "a fox in the hen house," but recently I encountered the opposite. Imagine the "hen in the fox house." Someone always thinks they can out fox (smart) the fox. These people put themselves in dangerous situations or situations with potentially negative consequences. For example, people who have extramarital relationships that think they will never get caught, because they know how to cover it up.

Another such situation is a child playing one parent against the other. In my book, "One Part Therapy, Nine Parts Parenting, " I talk about the three kinds of rules parents have for their children. The first set of rules involve the child's safety and the third kind of rules involve lifestyle. The kind of rules, in this case, involve making rules because the child lacks the maturity to make appropriate decisions. The choice between doing homework or watching television is a simple choice for a child. Or the choice of following a strict parent versus a lenient parent could also be problematic.

The point is that the hen will never out smart the fox and sometimes when we get what we ask for the result is a disaster.

EMDR

Well its been a week since I first considered keeping track of my thoughts. I guess Thanksgiving interfered with my good intentions. They say four days in a row will become a habit, so Lord willing here goes.

Last week I was re encouraged by my EMDR clients' progress. I am always amazed to see the change in my clients' facial expressions during the processing. Additional disturbing memories surface instantly once a level of relaxation is established. The intensity of the session is extremely emotional, yet most clients are motivated to continue because they can see real change.

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is a mental health treatment that reprocesses old disturbing memories. Unfortunately, disturbing events are usually accompanied by nevative beliefs about ones self. Somehow during the processing these beliefs change into more appropriate positive beliefs.